A Compassionate Voice for the Parents of Children with Hidden Disabilities
Melanie Boudreau
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Let Patience Have Its Perfect Work

2/10/2016

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But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.  - James 1:4
I’m in the Philippines this month teaching at pastors' conferences with a powerhouse team of dynamic women, all older and wiser than me.

Today was supposed to have been a routine, island-hopping jaunt by ferry to Bohol Island where we were scheduled to speak in the evening at a conference.

Like the woman in the photo stranded on the roadside, my day turned out to be a day filled with patience-testing circumstances. How I reacted revealed something in me.

Travel Delays, Stormy Seas, Shifting Priorities

Our ferry from Negros Island to Bohol Island was delayed for several hours, and concern arose for our ability to fulfill our commitment to speak that evening. Any changes could also impact the next day's schedules.

The journey before us involved a rough sea crossing. ​The two Dramamine pills I took were making me terribly sleepy as we waited ad nauseum in the hot, cramped, pre-loading staging area at the docks.

Can you say "Dramamine"?
​As we headed toward the rocking craft to board, my travel companions began throwing out ideas for rescuing the sabotaged conference speaking schedule. 
  • “Melanie could take tonight’s session while we sleep!“ 
    Me: 
    “Ok.” 

  • “Melanie could give up her plenary tomorrow to make up for lost time!”
    Me: “That works.” 

    (Peals of laughter ensued.)


  • ​“Doesn’t anything ruffle your feathers?” one friend playfully chided. 

​​Not much.

And believe me, not getting frustrated is not in my “natural” temperament.

Patience, Tolerance and Perseverance

The truth is, raising children with hidden disabilities, precious wonderful children that are incredibly trying and who cause us to die to ourselves every...single...day of our lives, produces lovely fruit of patience, tolerance and perseverance. 

All of the peace I cried out for in my prayers during the most trying seasons of child raising, I have now, not because my babies are near grown, but because peace can be internal independent of agitators or circumstances.

You are not just molding your children. Your children are molding you, and its a beautiful thing. ​
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Find Supportive Voices Online

2/1/2016

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Didn’t we all have a big set of friends prior to having children? But then tensions arose, one by one, as each knew better than we did on how to overcome our children’s behavioral challenges.

They all had their own opinions and answers:
  • “French children don’t have ADHD”. 
  • “Cut out gluten and dairy!” 
  • “A belt will stop that behavior”. 

They meant well. But I found it helpful and more life-giving to shift my support base to include other parents of children with hidden disabilities rather than desperately trying to help my friends and family see the big picture.

Find Your Virtual Tribe

​What I learned from my experiences and what I want to share with you is this: Your friends and family most likely won’t understand what you’re dealing with, at least not initially.

Eventually you will become an effective advocate for the challenges your child faces. But, first you must find your tribe.  

Your tribe are those who have gone before you and triumphed, while maintaining a positive and hopeful outlook.

Seek those parents and supporting voices who can speak into your life who share your values, and appreciate your children as they are, their non-typical beautiful selves.

It's not always easy to find those voices in our neighborhoods or even in our churches. 

We live in an electronically connected world today, giving us great advantages over parents facing the same challenges twenty years ago. Hashtags and Google searches can heart connect us with others who walk the same path.

​Don’t discount the power of online resources and relationships! 

An online community that understands the challenges faced by children who are not neuro-typical can stand aligned with you as you rejoice in your child’s abilities while acknowledging the unique challenges you are facing.
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    About Melanie

    Two of our three children have Tourette's Syndrome as well as a few other co-morbidities, inherited neuropsychiatric disorders. I'm still happily married, love life and want to share encouragement bringing hope, humor and insight into the process of raising children who are different. 

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