A Compassionate Voice for the Parents of Children with Hidden Disabilities
Melanie Boudreau
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What's Right in Your World?

11/30/2015

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“He who offers a sacrifice of thanksgiving honors Me; And to him who orders his way aright I shall show the salvation of God.” 

Psalm 50:2
Thanksgiving is over. I can breathe deeply, content in the peace that comes from a sense of completion and well-being. Love and joy are the hallmarks of holidays spent with family. 

All is well in my world. 

My circumstances have not changed, but my sense of acceptance has matured right along with the aging of my children with hidden disabilities. 

My son is approaching his last semester as a senior in high school, shy the credits he needs to graduate. There are other paths to success than academics and glee club. 

My adult daughter on the spectrum is unemployed, yet chose to forgo the annual family pilgrimage to Texas for feasting with those we all love. By now the cooperative extended family is well versed in questions not to ask that showcase her deficits, and all of us celebrate her remarkable strengths.  Nevertheless, anxiety won this year and she remained home in Colorado. We missed her, but nobody batted an eye. 

Guilt free decision. 

Yet I remember the days when the activity in our home, the door bell ringing, the festive music, the buzz of the oven timer, the rearranging of the dining room to accommodate more people, and the cheerful voices of guests would almost certainly elicit a meltdown in my daughter. Also elicited was my own deep sense of sorrow when she missed what was supposed to be that magical moment called Thanksgiving Dinner. 

Learning to topple the idol of ideal in my life changed everything. I look for love, laughter, and shared connections to define well being, setting aside the pursuit of white picket fence living. 

What's right in your world? Let that define your experience this holiday season and drive your gratitude. 
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​Original Intent

11/28/2015

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Like the crumbling edifices of Havana, human lives still retain the beauty of Original Intent.
​In 1959 the triumph of the communist Revolution in Cuba saw the confiscation of private homes, farms, small businesses and companies. After decades of lack of maintenance due to scarcity of paint and building materials, many old buildings are crumbling. Currently, a significant cause of death in Cuba is building collapse. 

​Yet the beauty and original grandeur of these magnificent structures have not been lost. Likewise, the streets, many in disrepair, are full of old cars from an era 55 years past. 

I received instruction as I took in the sights of Cuba last week and met many Cubans from different walks of life. I thought about the Biblical account of creation, about humanity.  

The Bible conveys people were created by God with great potential, possessing inherent purpose and a bright destiny. But we read that many are deceived into believing life can be better with a revolution against God, with a rebellion against His Word, seeking man made idols, philosophies, and ideologies, all of which highjack the path to prosperity and arrest development. 

"And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and a delight to the eyes, and to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit, and gave it to her husband." (Genesis 3:6 BBE) 

Yet God's love never waivers, nor does the inherent dignity of mankind that comes as ones created in His image, destined for glory. Like the crumbling edifices of Havana, human lives still retain the beauty of Original Intent.  

"But God has made clear his love to us, in that, when we were still sinners, Christ gave his life for us." (Romans 5:8 BBE)

It's this redemption that brings full restoration. 

When the King of Kings sits in His righteous throne and when His Word is wholly functional in our own lives, God's purposes are fulfilled, and the beauty of His intentions for us shines. Thus, we reflect His radiant glory in the midst of every challenge we face. 

This reminds me of so many children with disabilities and their families in resource-poor Cuba, and even right here among the wealth of the United States. We face challenges every day, whether abled or disabled, but with God on our side, we will not be defeated.

"‘For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.’" (Jeremiah 29:11 NASB)
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"‘For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.’"
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Jeremiah 29:11 NASB
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The Impact of Declarative Prayer

11/24/2015

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Scripture is full of statements that are true about us as ones who have committed our lives to Christ. However, those truths may not be manifested in our lives. The disconnect isn’t with the Provider, rather, it may be with our enforcement or with our view of ourselves. 
​When we think of praying, what typically comes to mind is petitioning God. Our lives and the lives of those we love are filled with spiritual, emotional and practical needs. It’s not wrong to ask. Phil 4:6 (NLT) exhorts us,

​“Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.”  

Consider, however, that some of the things we may be asking for, we already have. Scripture is full of statements that are true about us as ones who have committed our lives to Christ. However, those truths may not be manifested in our lives. The disconnect isn’t with the Provider, rather, it may be with our enforcement or with our view of ourselves. 

I’ll give you a concrete example. It is easy to see the truth that humans are alpha over dogs. Yet many pet owners allow their little fur balls to rule the house. The human may feel powerless to exert rules or boundaries. There is a problem in the way the pet owner views themselves. Can you imagine Fifi’s owner petitioning God for the authority to be boss at home over their pets? They already have the authority!!  

Declaring What Is Already Ours Through Christ

There is another way to pray in addition to petitioning. It’s called declaration. We declare what is already ours through Christ. 

Why? 
  • Declaring is an act of faith, which is activating! 

“But when you ask Him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord.” (James 1:6-7 NLT) 
Increasing faith impacts the measurable results of your prayers! 
  • Declaring moves spiritual realities from our heads and into our hearts, impacting the way we actually live our lives. 
  • Declaring announces to the forces of hell that we know who we are, and that we are enforcers of the truth. 
Have you ever taken a stand at home, declaring over your children, “I’m the mother here. And what I say, goes!”? You get the idea. You were the mother before the statement was made audibly.

​But declaring the truth of your authority and position over the troops creates greater alignment because of enforcement. 
Today when you read scripture, keep a pen handy to capture every statement that describes you and those you intercede for as believers. Declare these truths into full manifestation, shifting your realities into closer alignment with the purposes of God.

​Let’s start with Hebrews 4:16 (NLT), “So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.”

Prayer

Father, 

Even in my failings, I come boldly to Your throne. You are gracious! In the name of Jesus, I declare that in this very moment I am finding Your mercy and grace to help me when I need it most...NOW! 
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Me, Too!

11/15/2015

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Statue of Jesus overlooking Havana, Cuba
There is a bond between parents who have faced similar challenges. We understand each other's pain.
​I addressed a group of mothers raising children with autism in Havana, Cuba this week. I offered the love of God, and some basic affirming truths taken from Scripture. I shared that even when medical questions are answered, we may still have spiritual questions.

One woman had tears streaming down her face as I spoke. 

A man who doesn't know God approached me afterwards, hungry for more. 

There is a bond between parents who have faced similar challenges. We understand each other's pain. Isolation alienates, and robs us of hope. The reassurance of "Me too!" is a universal experience that bridges between cultures. 

And Kingdom culture dictates that we do everything in our power, even travel to far reaches, to offer the comfort of our shared stories and the Light of the Savior of the world. 

Go bridge some gaps in your world. Your experiences, failures and triumphs, put you in good company with others who are also committed to overcoming. Hearing from you makes their journey a little less difficult through connections that bring hope. 
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Havana, Cuba

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Transitioning

11/7/2015

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PicturePhoto by Hartwig HKD
Daring life changes. Transitioning seasons of life.

I dreamed in the night God was moving us to Massachusetts. Why there of all places?

I went through our home, full of all its comforts and marked what we would need with green dots, and blue dots on memory pieces to pack permanently away in a box. Deciding which few pieces to keep felt brutal. The rest was to be liquidated in an estate sale, most of everything we have collected over the years.

I woke up with the thought of my little Mexican figurine brought to me by my now 26 year old daughter when she was twelve from her first missions trip, resting unceremoniously on a resale shelf at Goodwill, as though this trinket held no precious value beyond the ceramic.


I didn’t like my dream. 

I am doing life in this season with a woman twenty years my elder, and indeed she is walking through transitions. The loss of her husband. A race run well. The sale of her family home. Foresight. Downsizing, and purging. Unfettered. 

She is modeling life well for me. Her passion for God and conversational intimacy with Him gives her the courage to face life, and to face the loss of it, and the loss of what has brought comfort in different seasons. If God doesn’t call us to painful transitions, eventually our family will as simplification becomes imperative. 


Painful does not equate to bad.

My daughter on the spectrum turns twenty-four this month. Transitioning into independence has been difficult for her, hindered by mental health challenges and discrimination in the workforce. It never occurred to me I would be losing both her and her younger brother, a whole seven years younger, flying from the nest in the same year. Yet I suspect this is exactly what will happen.

Success.

Painful success.

Painful because transitions are hard, and can feel like loss even when the result is actually gain, a WIN. 
​

Definitely a win. 

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Finding Peace

11/1/2015

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"For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it."

Hebrews 12:11 ESV
Disruptive. 

That was an accurate word to describe my child and the impact negative behaviors had in our otherwise peaceful home. 

I grew up in a house with abuse. Raised during WWII in England, my father was damaged in ways he never recovered. As a child I questioned whether I ever wanted a marriage because home should be a place of safety. But I did marry. And I married a man of God who allowed the peace of God to rule his heart. 

Yet even so, the idyllic home life I longed for eluded us. 

In the midst of handling oppositional, disobedient behavior of my child with hidden disabilities, my heart was offered so many agreements with the enemy of my soul. 

Unwelcome thoughts toward my child visited me: 
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  • "If it weren't for YOU, we could enjoy this season." 

  • "YOU are destroying our other children's childhoods." 

  • "My life is a train wreck and YOU'RE the conductor." 

It hurts me now to even write these lines with those most difficult years behind us, because the ideas they express couldn't be further from the truth. Satan and his minions know no limits when it comes to offering us destructive narratives that undermine hope, stripping it not only from us, but also from our children. 

Learning to Remain Calm

​With many hot tears and great effort I refused those thought patterns real time in moments of desperation. They were lies and I knew it. I turned them into prayers of realignment with God's heart for my child and renewed commitment to respond to my child with compassion. 

It is too easy to react with anger when our child behaves defiantly. But learning to remain calm and respond through careful consideration in the midst of great provocation is a skill only mastered in the midst of vexation. 

  • "You must understand this, my beloved: let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger; for your anger does not produce God's righteousness." (NRSV, James 1:19-20) 

  • "If you have love for those who have love for you, what credit is it to you? for even sinners have love for those who have love for them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is it to you? for even sinners do the same." (Luke 6:32-33 CEB) 

  • "For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it." (Hebrews 12:11 ESV)

Perhaps the season of discipline our family was in belonged to us as the parents, rather than to our child? And the sooner we yielded fully, the more our home reflected His peace, even as we trained our children. 

Whether compliant or difficult.
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    About Melanie

    Two of our three children have Tourette's Syndrome as well as a few other co-morbidities, inherited neuropsychiatric disorders. I'm still happily married, love life and want to share encouragement bringing hope, humor and insight into the process of raising children who are different. 

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