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Melanie Boudreau
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Best for Whom? 

9/28/2012

3 Comments

 
I’ve been there. I was convinced that my daughter needed to be home-schooled. She struggled with extreme volatility, excessive obsessive behaviors, sensory issues and incontinence as well as lacking the emotional maturity of her peers by several years. Additionally, although only in the second grade, she was already decoding words on an eleventh grade level cracking jokes with the sophistication of a young adult. She was horribly vulnerable, completely oblivious to the impact her behaviors had on others. She internalized the messages from the scowling faces not in light of her rages, but instead as a reflection of her own lack of worth or like-ability. I knew this, and hated myself for failing. I was about to mainstream her in our neighborhood school. 

What does failure look like for a Type A mother?  Anything that falls short of “the ideal”. The ideal was home-schooling. I had already home-schooled her for half of kindergarten, all of first grade, and now half of second. Meanwhile, I had a new baby, lived in a new town with next to no friends, and could not attend church functions or social events to create them. After all, who can babysit a newborn and a screaming volatile child at the same time? 

I made the right choice. I put her in school. I didn’t do it for her. I did it for my mental health. I did it for my other daughter with whom I continued to homeschool and build relationship for the next 5 years. I did it for my son. I did it for my husband. And it was the hardest thing I had ever done because it wasn’t what was best for her and I loved her just as desperately as I loved all the others. But it was right, and the Idol of Ideal came crashing down. 

3 Comments
Angie Strickler
12/29/2012 08:49:33 am

This sounds exactly like my sister was as a child. She was diagnosed with Asberger's when she was 9 and still struggles to maintain a "normal" life, although I have met other Asberger's people who can maintain a job and normal every day things a lot better. What was your daughter's diagnosis?

Reply
Melboudreau
12/29/2012 10:23:20 am

Techically the diagnosis is TS, OCD, ADHD and OD. But real time reading on spectrum disorders was more helpful. I would tend to tell educators to expect aspie type responses, and that seemed to help! However, as brain chemistry shifts, so do symptoms.

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David link
1/24/2021 01:50:46 am

Great reading yoour blog post

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    About Melanie

    Two of our three children have Tourette's Syndrome as well as a few other co-morbidities, inherited neuropsychiatric disorders. I'm still happily married, love life and want to share encouragement bringing hope, humor and insight into the process of raising children who are different. 

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