A Compassionate Voice for the Parents of Children with Hidden Disabilities
Melanie Boudreau
  • Blog
  • About
  • Book
  • Relational Guidelines
  • Workshop
  • Contact

Head in the Sand

10/1/2012

0 Comments

 
With your head in the sand, you are unable to open your mouth and speak life to your child. 

My son attended Sunday School at our mega church and made a delightful new friend. The boy was homeschooled, disturbing no one with his obvious tics. I took this child to Chuckie Cheese's and observed his struggle to transition between tasks, distractibility, hyperactivity, and obsessiveness. I tested the waters by casually mentioning that his playmate, my son, had Tourette's Syndrome and that's why he had certain unusual (aka identical) behaviors; think nothing of it. No lights went on, so I decided it just might be time to have a careful chat with his mom. I'm no doctor, and I don't diagnose, but certain symptoms are profoundly evident to the experienced eye. Response? Very little...

The message I couldn't speak to her son: "I see the shame on your face when you turn away to try to hide your tics. You need to understand that you're not crazy. I know you are not doing those things because you want to. There is a spot in your brain that sends errant signals. No big deal. It's just chemistry. That's all it is. It's why you struggle to transition from one task to another, why you perseverate, why you lose the battle to sit still even though you try so hard. If it bothers you so much that we need to explore treatments, just let me know. In the meantime, I want you to know that I understand how hard it is for you, and I am giving you full credit for efforts as well as for your successes. I see your heart, even though in other settings you may endure harsh corrections, know that I am on your side."
0 Comments

Best for Whom? 

9/28/2012

3 Comments

 
I’ve been there. I was convinced that my daughter needed to be home-schooled. She struggled with extreme volatility, excessive obsessive behaviors, sensory issues and incontinence as well as lacking the emotional maturity of her peers by several years. Additionally, although only in the second grade, she was already decoding words on an eleventh grade level cracking jokes with the sophistication of a young adult. She was horribly vulnerable, completely oblivious to the impact her behaviors had on others. She internalized the messages from the scowling faces not in light of her rages, but instead as a reflection of her own lack of worth or like-ability. I knew this, and hated myself for failing. I was about to mainstream her in our neighborhood school. 

What does failure look like for a Type A mother?  Anything that falls short of “the ideal”. The ideal was home-schooling. I had already home-schooled her for half of kindergarten, all of first grade, and now half of second. Meanwhile, I had a new baby, lived in a new town with next to no friends, and could not attend church functions or social events to create them. After all, who can babysit a newborn and a screaming volatile child at the same time? 

I made the right choice. I put her in school. I didn’t do it for her. I did it for my mental health. I did it for my other daughter with whom I continued to homeschool and build relationship for the next 5 years. I did it for my son. I did it for my husband. And it was the hardest thing I had ever done because it wasn’t what was best for her and I loved her just as desperately as I loved all the others. But it was right, and the Idol of Ideal came crashing down. 

3 Comments

    RSS Feed

    Picture

    About Melanie

    Two of our three children have Tourette's Syndrome as well as a few other co-morbidities, inherited neuropsychiatric disorders. I'm still happily married, love life and want to share encouragement bringing hope, humor and insight into the process of raising children who are different. 

    Archives

    February 2022
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    November 2019
    July 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    November 2018
    July 2018
    December 2017
    September 2017
    July 2017
    February 2017
    December 2016
    August 2016
    May 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    June 2015
    March 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    October 2014
    August 2013
    May 2013
    February 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012

    Categories

    All
    504
    Accommodations
    Adhd
    Affliction
    Angels
    Anger
    Anxiety
    Assurance
    Attention Deficit Disorder
    Authority
    Autism
    Beauty
    Behavior
    Book
    Boundaries
    Bullying
    Camaraderie
    Challenges
    Change
    Child
    Children
    Church
    Coaching
    Comfort
    Community
    Courage
    Cuba
    Declaration
    Depression
    Empathy
    Encouragement
    Expectations
    Faith
    Family
    Glory
    Grief
    Healing
    Hidden Disabilities
    Hiking
    Home School
    Hope
    Identity
    Iep
    Intercession
    Internal Dialog
    Intervention
    Intimacy
    Job
    Judgment
    Life
    Local Help
    Loss
    Mainstream
    Mental Health
    Mental Illness
    Miracles
    Mother
    NeedProject.org
    Pain
    Parenting
    Personal Development
    Personal Responsibility
    Perspective
    Podcast
    Prayer
    Psychiatric Hospital
    Raising Childen
    Remaining Calm
    Resources
    Restoration
    School
    Self-diagnosis
    Sensory
    Shame
    Social Media
    Special Education
    Stigma
    Suicide
    Support
    Tourette Syndrome
    Transitions
    Undiagnosed Mental Illness
    Unrighteous Judgments
    Warfare

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
Photos from James Cridland, anneh632, Joshua Siniscal Photography, quali-T