A Compassionate Voice for the Parents of Children with Hidden Disabilities
Melanie Boudreau
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Guilty by Association

6/7/2015

6 Comments

 
My young adult daughter has mental illness, something she has struggled with in varying degrees her whole life. Neither my husband nor I have been saddled with the same life challenges as our daughter who fights valiantly to live with dignity in a world full of inequities and unrighteous judgments. But yet, somehow, our genetics gifted her not just with her beauty and intellect but also with her lifelong battle for success. 
Not only was I misunderstood, but I was misunderstood in such a way as to emphasize in a searing way the pain my daughter feels routinely.
I have both friends and family with adopted children, and I understand that these precious wee ones are loved with the same fierceness as I love my own biological children.  But my friend raising her adopted child with paranoid schizophrenia mentioned recently that she does not have accusatory Mommy guilt. Sometimes Guilt attaches like a leech in hidden fleshy places, draining away parental confidence by injecting lies of personal culpability for the suffering of our progeny. That’s difficult enough. 

But then there are those who make assumptions about our mental health, and accuse us as parents raising biological children with hidden disabilities. For instance, I was enjoying a new friend a few years ago, a godly woman whom I respected. I am a professional level intercessor, meaning I get paid to pray for individuals and corporations, a job I immensely enjoy. God began giving me “downloads” daily to pray for my friend, a new experience outside of my employment. Although those who know me well, love me and consider me stable and emotionally healthy, she assumed I was obsessive compulsive by my attentive faithful intercession. Our relationship quickly crashed and burned. 

Not only was I misunderstood, but I was misunderstood in such a way as to emphasize in a searing way the pain my daughter feels routinely. My imaginary mental health issue made me an “unsuitable” friend for a “mature” Christian woman. God help us. They will know we are Christians by our love, remember? 

I’m trying to teach my children to rise above the stigma and reject the shame offered by society. In retrospect, perhaps it’s not such a bad thing to be considered guilty by association if it gives me the opportunity to stand by my children in solidarity. 

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6 Comments
Sophia Rodgerson
6/14/2015 05:08:20 am

I have observed you as a devoted, God fearing, wife, mother, friend, and truly a woman of God.When you pray for someone and he downloads to you on their behalf, he knows your integrity and trusts you with that information.It is an honor to know you, and a blessing to call you friend!
We pray for those that are judgmental, that they would know to a greater depth, love, compassion and closer relationship with the Lord. Blessings on you and your wonderful family.

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Judy Stittsworth
6/14/2015 05:22:23 am

I had the honor of meeting you last November and was truly inspired by your deep love and devotion to the call God has placed within you. I love, admire and respect you and the strength you have displayed in raising your beautiful family. Your life has impacted so many around the world as you travel and share God's love. I pray abundant blessings for you and your family.

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Mama
6/14/2015 07:27:44 am

I agree with the two above comments, and I know you better than either of them--and no doubt, better than anyone else except Chuck. That is because I am your mother! : ) I love you.

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Karen Roberts
6/14/2015 09:17:09 am

You say it so well!

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Doctor G link
6/15/2015 11:14:42 pm

The operative term here is "mature." Maybe she didn't come from a Christian tradition that recognizes your passion for intercession through prayer as a spiritual gift?

Ever notice how many of the people in the Bible who God used to accomplish great purposes were neurodiverse? Moses had problems communicating. David wrote many of the psalms during intense periods of despair. John the Baptist would probably be identified with an autism spectrum disorder. Peter may have had ADHD. Paul "despaired of life itself." God doesn't make mistakes. We...and our kids were made the way we are for a purpose.

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Melanie link
6/16/2015 01:13:38 am

Yes, I couldn't agree more. One of the messages I preach is called "Bringing God Glory in the Midst of Disability" to combat the notion that only those who are divinely healed bring glory to God. Thank you for your excellent observation about who God picked to use!

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    About Melanie

    Two of our three children have Tourette's Syndrome as well as a few other co-morbidities, inherited neuropsychiatric disorders. I'm still happily married, love life and want to share encouragement bringing hope, humor and insight into the process of raising children who are different. 

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