My husband married a train wreck 35 years ago. He was a new believer and didn’t see our union as risk. He prayed about me, and heard a clear yes from God. That was all he needed.
Three years in, I remember praying and thanking God for him. I felt so weak against temptation, and believed if anything ever happened to him, I was a lost cause destined to find my fulfillment in dead end pursuits.
Seven years in, I was at a small group meeting while my husband stayed home babysitting our infant when Holy Spirit showed up in power, (in my life for the first time like that), and each of us in attendance drank deeply. For several hours we reveled in His goodness unaware the angels were blocking the phone lines, holding back the incessant calls from my pastor’s wife trying to reach us.
Finally, her call got through. My husband had been transported by ambulance to the ER. Life threatening. ICU. A church member had our baby.
I was too “drunk”, inundated by the presence of God, (not unlike as described by our forefathers of the faith), to drive safely. I was in shock knowing I could lose him, while simultaneously experiencing a circumstantially defying joy so much deeper than the stark reality of immediate risk. My pastor had to drive me to the hospital.
The peace I experienced that night and over the following weeks into full recovery took the words of Philippians 4:7 out of the realm of information and into the realm of profound revelation. “Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” (NLT)
My friend, I HEARD from God. What we WANT to hear, is “No harm will befall you or your loved ones, EVER.” But I did not hear that. I did not hear my beloved would survive. What I heard so incredibly deep in my spirit was “Everything will be all right, no matter what happens in this hospital.” And that was enough.
It never could have been enough aside from the manifestation of the Presence of God. Only with Him is His assurance enough. He is enough. And He has remained enough throughout the years which held more traumas for me and for my children as they have battled through the challenges of hidden disabilities. Traumas through which I have been held closely in Him while emerging resilient and bold in Christ.